No new training so far this weekend, but had some random things on my mind. Today is Sunday, tomorrow is back in the dojo hitting it hard again. Still trying to decide the best way to put out my training schedule. Considering doing Muay Thai and MMA on Monday, then MT and No Gi BJJ on tues, then just Muay Thai on Weds and Thursday. That or just do Muay Thai on mon and weds and add in No gi, and MMA on Tues and Thurs, but my concern would be being too worn out by Thursday. I might try different things. If after MT on Thursday I’m too beat, then I can just leave until I’m fit enough to do both. Eventually I’ll do them all each night.
Problem with being obese like I currently am is the feeling of being trapped in my body. Some say when things get hard to push through it. That worked when I was an 18 yr old recruit in Marine boot camp. I kept pushing and pushing and eventually I made it. I tried that here and I end up nearly passing out, puking or both. At my age and fitness level I have to watch it to a certain degree. I have learned my limits however and know when to stop or slow down once I’ve reached it. My coaches and trainers do great pushing me, but they also have been great in giving me the space I need to develop. I think they can tell when I’ve had enough and need to sit out.
Either way I hate it. When doing this time of rigourous training, you form a bond of sorts with the folks you train with. I feel like the guys at the gym are my brothers. I see them going and going and excelling and I want to be where they are. So after running five laps around the mat I can barely breath or see straight, it’s just frustrating. Sad thing is, there isn’t much I can do to improve on it other than to keep going and keep doing it. Adding too much more training outside of the gym wouldn’t help me much at this point, other than exhaust me sooner.
I’ve not even been at this for eight full weeks but it feels like longer. Because of that, I feel like I should be further along than I am. Just about the time I feel like I’ve passed some threshold and am now “getting there” my instructors push me to a new level, reminding me of how far I have to go.
I won’t quit though. This stuff just makes me more determined. I look at my old photos and some of my old clothes and hope to never be that person again. Though I look in the mirror now and while I see results, I’m not entirely happy just yet. I know how I want to look and feel and am just not there yet.
Unlike previous weight loss attempts, this isn’t just me wanting to burn fat and get skinny. This time, I can see and feel that I’ve been undergoing an entire body transformation/conversion. Like the title of this blog, from fat to fighter. It’s not enough this time for me to just burn a few pounds and hope not to gain it back in the next year. This time, I am destroying the person that I’ve been on the outside, beating my body into submission, and becoming something else entirely.